moving on and letting go

Damn,
Ain't it crazy when you're love swept?
You'll do anything for the one you love
'Cause anytime that you needed me
I'd be there
It's like you were my favorite drug
The only problem is
That you was using me
In a different way that I was using you
But now that I know, it's not meant to be
You gotta go, I gotta win myself off of you

And I'll never give myself to another
The way I gave it to you
Don't even recognize
The ways you hurt me
Do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame...

'Rehab'- Rihanna


I've always had a hard time letting go of things...I end up collecting shit for years because I won't get rid of it. My rationale is, 'you never know when you might need it again, because once you throw it out, you can't get it back'. And with my luck, the minute I'll get rid of something I'll need it again.

But somethings you have to let go. Especially at the point when it becomes unhealthy for you to hold on to whatever it is that you were holding on to. What makes it so difficult to do that? What makes it so difficult to let go of something that hurts you time and time again?

I've made the realization that I'm not going to change you. (By now, I hope that its noted that I'm speaking about someone and not my favorite childhood stuffed animal) You're never going to look at me differently. You're going to go about your life the same way' with the same sweet talk, the same compliments, the same flaky behavior, the same bullshit that I've been listening to for years now. I'm tired of waiting for you to return a phone call when you said you would, stick to a plan...i'm too old to babysit you and you're too old to be babysat. I always find it so funny that grown-ass men, ESPECIALLY those that proclaim themselves to be so, rarely act that way...some food for thought, supposed "grown-ass men".

I'm not your motorcycle, your dog, or your video games, laying around waiting for you to give me attention. Not anymore. Just like when you asked me to 'be your girl'...not anymore. You had a grip on me that I still wonder about...the point is that I've let go. I'm moving on.

It's gonna take time, but I'll get there.

Did you hear about the Rose that grew from a crack in the concrete?...
I am the Rose.